So after six years I have terminated my World of Warcraft account. Talk about life changing catastrophic events. Yes, I quit once before but relapsed within a couple of months. My clicking finger is itching. I have a microchip monkey on my back. Just the thought of quitting gives me the Wrash of the Itch King causing a Burning Crusade in my Twisting Nethers. Is there a twelve step program? Azerothians Anonymous?
I told myself this would be good. I would start a blog. Build a website, shave, shower, get a tan, maybe even have sex again. I could ask my wife if she’d let me play with her battle chest. But would she be willing to make whoopy with a seven foot tall female nightelf warrior? OMG!! I just realised I’ve traded in a flying albino drake for a rust brown 79 chevy truck with two flat tires! This reality thing is going to be hard. There are no addons for social interaction.
I need to find things to accomplish during my normal four hours a day gaming time. Perchance I can epic out our kitchenware or take a vacation…..Where’s the portal to Las Vegas? I’m attempting to replace the Auction House in Stormwind with Ebay. But baseball cards are way harder to sell than ….”The Immaculate Sword of Conception”. And you have to go to something called a “post office”?!?…WTF?
Out here in RL people keep calling me Daryl! My name is Krimzonblade bitch! I miss my friends, it’s just way cooler hanging out with Corruptus and Darkwitch than Steve and Bob. I will admit I don’t miss battlegrounds as much as I thought I would. Shopping in Wal-mart is very similar, trolls and undead in every aisle. And while I was there I bought a tier eleven “Blood Soaked Sawzall of Death”!
I guess I can comfort myself with other similarities I’m finding while AFK. My pit lord of a boss for one thing. I’m told sometime in the last six years our dogs Bonnie and Clyde died and they have been replaced by two Firelands Hellhounds. And my children have moved out of the house and return now and then with these funny little hairless dwarfs. Apparently 1% did something horrible to 99%. Steven Tyler has resurrected as a blood elf and went from rock god to a game show judge. Damn….he went down faster than a two gold hooker at the Darkmoon Faire.
And did you hear? We have a new president and he’s black !?!…..WOW