Well … torture is in the news again. Zero dark thirty and Argo are sparking coversations arguments and irrational babbling from talking heads all over the blogosphere. Torture has been around since man has had the ability to think…which is about the time we discovered cruelty and intimidation was a means to get something we want without having to work for it.
Bamboo under fingernails, waterboarding, jumper cables to the testicles all pale in comparison to the horrifying diabolicle scurge on humanity I have come up with. This will revolutionize torture and convince terrorists to admit to anything anytime. I call it A.P.T…..I discovered it in the shower last night. Simply cook up a batch of asperagus smothered in garlic…wait a few hours..pee into a cup and shove that mother under the bad guys nose…he’ll admit to fuckin Allah up the ass…just get that smell away. Yes the asperagus piss treatment will render even the most hardened and evil character helpless senseless and sniveling for mercy.
It’s also very important that torture is individualized. Hell you could beat me whip me and give me a jalapeno enema and I wouldnt tell you where I hid the weed. But make me watch five minutes of an obese sweaty rightwing biggot drool on about liberals and I’ll admit my sweet old mother fucked Jimmy Hoffa to death and fed his rotting flesh to her poodle Mezeppa…..just sayin